Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
