bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
