omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
