no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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