so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
