I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
