i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
