I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
