I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
3pm strippers are depressing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
