I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
