Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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