uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
MIDGETS
????
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
