i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
