there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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