I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
