when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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