I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Text me some of your sweat
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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