I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
