My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
