I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
