Buhtt sex?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
