i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
