I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
