Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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