You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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