I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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