so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
