it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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