please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
