i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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