and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
