Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
