it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she smelled like a LAN party
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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