Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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