Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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