Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
