Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
