Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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