Your tits are I can't wait for
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
