Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
