yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
