She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
