I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
