cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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