yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
