You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Randomize
