I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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