Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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