Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
