I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
