I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My pussy is not your playground.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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