PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
