508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
