Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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