they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm at about main and main street
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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