they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
