I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
