This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
