hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
