happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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