I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
