why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
